Just as a broken clock is right twice a day, even the best of the best rapper dudes have delivered the odd clunker. The rules of engagement are as follows:
1. The crappy song in question must have been released while said rapper was in their prime rather than during the inevitable late career auto-pilot/mentalist phase.
2. Ballads are automatically disqualified because they’re all terrible except for MC Shan’s ‘Left Me Lonely.’
3. Please refer to the first two rules.
Kool G Rap: ‘Cars’
It seems that this clanger has a few fans based on previous responses, but I refuse to soften my stance. I mean I can apprciate the bizarre genius of Gary Numan as much as the next guy (‘Films’ is still incredible), but this throwaway from Road To The Riches cerments it’s filler status when we’re forced to endure a failed phone call to Marley Marl’s car phone in between G rapping like it’s 1984.
Big Noyd: ‘I Don’t Want To Love Again’
I’m going to blame the Tommy Boy A&R department on this one, since Rapper Noyd was stuck in the pokey before this project was finished and may have had no say as to it’s inclusion. Nevertheless, it’s four minutes of not-that-great singing and less than a full minute of Noyd rapping in what sounds like a phone booth.
Rakim: ‘Stay A While’
Not sure what brief was handed to DJ Clark Kent that made him turn in this tepid attempt at getting some radio spins. They could have at least gotten Jody Watley to come through and called it ‘Friends Pt. II,’ right?
Big Daddy Kane: ‘Children ‘R The Future’
Following on from the triple threat of ‘It’s A Big Daddy Thing,’ ‘Another Victory’ and ‘Mortal Kombat,’ this was pure audio buzz-kill, complete with some of the worst singing this side of Biz Markie. And that fucking whistling at the end…
Brand Nubian: ‘Try To Do Me’
An obvious choice but this one stands out like proverbial dog’s balls in how in doesn’t fit in with the rest of the album at all with it’s New Jack Swing sound and dumb raps. Most tellingly, this futile attempt at club play never even got a single release anyway, and therefore had zero chance of ever getting heard in a bar anyway.
LL Cool J: ‘Change Your Ways’
After an entire album filled with bragging, flossing and shitty love songs, LL had the nerve to lecture listeners to ‘throw away the cigeretes and put down that drink’ after appearing in a video stunting with bottles of Moet and smoking cigars while recieving a shoulder rub from a scantily clad skeezer.
Nas: ‘You Owe Me’
As was the fashion in 1999, everyone wanted to be grown and sexy. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Nas recruited Genuine, Timbaland and a car load of strippers for this excuse to change outfits every fifteen seconds. The clip also features the future Mrs. Sean Carter waving her arms in the air like she just didn’t care at 1:54.
Ice Cube: ‘Wicked’
Even if you choose to ignore the fact that he ripped off this song from King Sun, it still represents everything terrible about early nineties rap. With it’s annoying beat, ragga hook and gimmicky rhyme style, Cube abandoned everything that was great about Kill At Will, AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted and Death Certificate to chase white guy college audience that was already being milked dry by House of Pain and Cypress Hill.
MC Shan: ‘Don’t Mean A Thing’
The video for this cost a fortune, as Shan attempted to prove that rap should be taken seriously by adding a variety of ‘musical’ elements (ie. cheesy keyboards) and swinging around on a vine in a white tuxedo while folks were doing the Jitterbug. What was the concept behind the two women dressed up like The Flintstones standing on those swings though?
EPMD: ‘You Had Too Much To Drink’
Years from now, scientists will still be scratching their heads in an attempt to figure out why Erick and Parrish decided to pollute an otherwise great album with this baffling Rap Rock public service announcement. If anything, it actually encourages excess booze consumption in order to blot out all memory of this musical abortion. Also, I can’t beleive that they actually shot avodeo for this!?
Public Enemy: ‘Party For Your Right To Fight’
Just because It Takes A Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back is one of greatest rap albums in existance doesn’t mean that it’s perfect. This play on word of the Beasties Boys hit single has an annoying beat, grating hook and is the perfect example of something that would have worked better as s thirty second skit.
Gangstarr: ‘The Mall’
If only GURU and Premier had tracked down TJ Swan to recreate the ‘Albee Square Mall’ hook properly, all of this unpleasentness could have been avoided.
Feel free to add on, that’s all the terrible rap I can stand for one afternoon.
EPMD had You Had Too Much To Drink AND It’s Time To Party on the same amazing album. How do they not get a look?
NWA – Sumthin’ 2 Dance 2
Public Enemy – Reggae Jax
You really hate that “Cars” song. Shit is classic, B.
@A to the L: This is a starting point, not a comprehensive list. ‘Too Much To Drink’ definitely edges out ‘Party.’ I also forgot about P.E.’s ‘Party For Your Right To Fight.’
cars = that picture of a foot in a timbo in 6″ of water on a white sandy beach
Stetsasonic – “the odad” from in full gear
Any hip house track, but “polo club” is a fine example from wanted dead or alive
You can’t put Wicked alongside those others! It fits in well with the Muggs produced tracks on the album, and 14 year old me thought it was awesome.
@ihatework: Damn right, that is a terrible song.
off subject but while it’s fresh in my head, how about a compilation on N.O. Joe (Producer from New Orleans)
The Roots “Birthday girl.” A softrock-rap song where middle-aged Black Thought gets excited about a girl reaching the age of consent. Black Thought/The Roots are overrated but this is just full on wrongness.
De La Soul “Kicked out the house” – just one of all too many HipHouse/Dance-Rap cuts from the early 90s.
Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
“The winter of the long hot summer.” I love this album but this is looooong and boring and really shouldn’t be on the album.
Pharohe Monch “Rape.” Just no.
I don’t wanna love again was my shit.. that beat was menacing. It definitely seemed out of place on the first spin but I grew to appreciate it as some genius shit for that EP. Didn’t mind Wicked either.
Dirty Mack was worse than Wicked imo
Nas — I Can
Biggie — Friend of Mine (you know that aint right)
I’d rather hear Friend of Mine than ever listen to Respect again. Ever.
Wicked??? Lol…wow…robbie wylin’! Lets visit that Jiggaman Vol 1 & pull up those “I know what girls like” & “sunshine” cuts…hella worse than Wicked yo
You messed up on Cars & Wicked, and I’m wit you on Children R The Future when it comes to the singing at the end, but the rest of it was okay. Sounds more like “songs I don’t like” instead of “worst songs”.
Run DMC had some duds. I heard Mary Mary on Music Choice the other day. That was a dud but there were worse songs than Mary Mary on the album, like Miss Elaine.
Agree with most and add Gangstarr “at the mall”
The skit from your old droog in regards to that song sums it up perfectly
@Moosiemoe: That was the inspiration for this article yet I somehow forgot to include it…
I’ll say Tush by Ghostface, with Missy Elliot. Every aspect of that song, down to the video was fuckery. I don’t even know if “the label made me do it” is acceptable as an excuse in that case.
Nothing on this list is as bad as hearing M.O.P. & Sade together…
https://youtu.be/wwAcM8BiBck
Boogie Down Productions – Super Hoe. That record was a dud amongst certified bangers.
Still talkin’ ish about other peoples music when you aint got a single out.Don’t think anyone gives a fuck about your opinion’s and beside’s you aint got the ball’s or steez to turn around to any of the mc’s you’re mentioned and say ‘ayo that track you did is wack’.
@Guess: Great idea for a Youtube show…’Run, Robbie, Run!’ where a camera crew follows me while I knock on rapper’s doors and yell that I didn’t like one of their songs from 25 years ago and see if they chase me up the street with a Louiseville Slugger.
“Hit em High (Monstar Anthem)” 1997
–B-Real, Busta, & Method
*LL was perhaps just a tad past his prime
**And of course Coolio was always wack
Yall gonna quit frontin’ on At The Mall. If yall gonna front on anything from that album, make it She Knows What She Wants.
Nas-K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Hated it when I first heard, hate it today.
Rakim-The Seventh Seal gives me a few to choose from but I’ll go with Walk These Streets. Maino on a track with Rakim???
Ghostface-Tush was a lousy one but what about Back Like That? Def Jam was strong arming Ne-Yo, Chrisette Michelle and The Dream on everyone’s hooks
LL-Any one of those three wack ass love songs on Walking With A Panther
i’m in different towards the song itself but G Dep’s verse on at the mall is good.
test
@ Doc Samson
You’re crazy, Super Ho was a classic. The whole album was banging. It didn’t have any sub-bass but it was still a 5 mic classic.
Brand Nubian- Dance To My Ministry…hated it, I’d rather listen to Try to Do Me…
I’m not a huge fan of “The Mall,” but I’ve always enjoyed “She Knows What She Wants”… I’ve heard other people diss that song as well but I fuck with it.
I love LL and the Panther album but… Holy shit! “You’re My Heart” and “Two Different Worlds” are abominations on wax… LL had the wrong guys in the studio with him on those days. I get trying to recreate “I Need Love” but things went sideways fast…
Good discussion. I must be a super cornball because I like both “Cars” and “You Had Too Much Too Drink”…
Sadly, Big Daddy Kane has a plethora of songs that are unlistenable, as does Nas.
“Kicked Out The House” was a blatant parody though; it was supposed to be bad.
I’ve actually never understood the massive hate for “It’s Time To Party.” I mean, it’s not amazing, but it’s much better than the vast majority of thrown-together hip-house tracks. That “Love Is The Message” sample works nicely.
“You Had Too Much To Drink” is absolutely abysmal though.
@Daniel: Please refer to rule #1.
THE MALL GangStarr (Must not be a Fly Guy)???? WTF, Children Are the Future??? FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!! Totally Disagree Wit these two but other that that yeah the list is pretty on point. I was sooo disappointed with that dam Shan Album after the Slept on Born to be Wild SMH……. I was like Shan WHYYYYYYYYYY…….
With Wicked you kinda reaching……LOL!!!
Gravel Pit. The song and most def the video.
That whole predator album did not age well.
Never liked at the mall either.
“At the Mall” isn’t a bad song at all, but that hook is atrocious. “Make money money, go shoooooopin’.” Lmao.
Ah you so right there. That one I do agree with.
Wasnt it a kind of modern, grimy spin on Albee Square Mall by Biz though? Thats what I took from it
How about…
Diamond D – Confused
KRS-ONE – Just To Prove A Point
Q-Tip – End Of Time
D.I.T.C. – Foundation
I never understood the “The Mall” slander. Still don’t.
That MC Shan “It Don’t Mean A Thing” was devastating as I had high hopes after the “Born To Be Wild” album which doesn’t mentioned half as much as it should when the great albums of 1988 are mentioned. “Play It Again, Shan” was aural diarrhea.
@UL7RAMA6NETIC gravel pit is a certified turd. maybe they needed puffy in there to show street dudes how to make dance tracks.
Pawl H: I agree that the original version of Foundation is pretty wack but the O.Gee remix is dope as fuck
G Rap’s Erase Racism. The awful hook from Biz Markie, the “colorblind” bars from G Rap. The intent is good but the execution was terrible
The title is “The worst songs by the best rappers” and yall naming MC Shan? Who next? U-God? Sen Dogg? Pras?
How bout its raining men with robbies mum on the hook in a pink rubber latex suit loving the dick or how bout 3rd bass pop goes the weasel can see you with your fake steez saying no no no why diss vanilla not my ice ice baby while jerking off old men
perhaps this can be flipped – Good Songs with the Worst Rappers?
brand nubian “you tried to do me ” “nubian jam”
gangstarr “she knows what she wants”
Diamond “cream n sunshine”
How about…
AZ – I Feel For You
Biggie – Respect
Mos Def – Rock n Roll
This was not the Wicked I wanted to see you diss.
“A Love That’s True Part 2” has to be Slick Rick’s entry into this canon of cack. He somehow managed to make the cod-reggae beat + whistling sound dope on Part 1, but the plastic Rastamon patois on Part 2 was some true Never Forgive Action.
Pass the Courvosier
Much worse
De La’s “Pawn Star” is dire too.
Never understood what was so bad about Biggie’s “Respect.” The Ego Trip book knocked it too (along with, shockingly, Black Moon’s “Powerful Impak”). It’s not the best track on Ready To Die by any means, but Big spitting over “I Get Lifted”…not awful by any means. “Nasty Boy” off Life After Death is so much worse.
Can’t agree with Wicked but a lot of list made me laugh and nod in agreement. Try to do me was probably recorded a year before album was released but I always liked it. One of my personals is “How to roll a Blunt”. Whut is one of my fav albums & Pete Rock is one my fav artists but my ears never liked it