Introducing The Conservative Rap Coalition

Posted on by Robbie Ettelson


Logo designed by Tony Bones / The Home Office.

Tired of being labeled as ‘stuck in the 90’s’? Do you find a lot of new rap too emo? Do you have no idea what a Kid Cudi or a Drake is? Then the Conservative Rap Coalition may be for you! Here at the CRC, we strive to find the best in non-progressive, raw rap shit – preferably free of sing-song hooks, keyboards and tight jeans. Far from being stuck in the past, the CRC appreciates that there is always dope rap music being made somewhere, and is dedicated to tracking down the kind of stuff that makes you want to punch your mom in the ovaries. The CRC believe that the term ‘boom-bap’ is almost as played-out as ‘swagger’. We follow hard drums and tight flows, but don’t fux with Jurrassic 5. Lyrical content doesn’t have to based around ignorant and anti-social themes, but it just so happens that most of the good shit happens to be along those lines. We enjoy the simple pleasures of vinyl, but accept that the compact disc is also an essential format. Digital only? Not so much. We stopped listening to rap from LA after The Chronic, and the only hip-hop from the South that we rep post-1994 is Devin The Dude and Scarface.

The Platinum CRC membership pack (RRP $1,200.00) comes with following:

– A personalized voice-mail message from DJ Premier.
– A bronze plaque with the complete lyrics of the 6 minute version of ‘Rock The Bells’ inscribed on it.
– 1 signed photo of the original Flavor Unit.
– An OG Purple Tape, complete with a Sony Megabass walkman.
– A packet of White Owls, Phillie Blunts or Dutch Masters.
– A case of Olde English malt liquor.
– Two copies of ‘Peter Piper’ on vinyl.
– An original pressing of Main Source‘s Breaking Atoms on CD.
– A can of Rustoleum spray paint.
– 1 Carhartt jacket.
– 2 Champion hooded tops.
– 1 pair of army pants.
– Your choice of a pair of OG LE white leather Air Max 90‘s with black swoosh or classic construction-style Timberland‘s.
– A miniature SP-1200 keyring.
– A full-size replica of the Biz puppet from the ‘Me & The Biz’ video, last seen at the ego trip offices.

The Conservative Rap Coalition isn’t scared of change – we just don’t like too much of it. We understand that rap is forever a young man’s game, but don’t accept that some of these kid’s just don’t know any better. We believe that personalized ring-tones are unacceptable for any man over the age of 16, don’t trust people who don’t drink and consider anybody who owns more than two belts to be a fruit. Rap hasn’t been perfected yet. Keep trying.

Who’s with us?

51 thoughts on “Introducing The Conservative Rap Coalition”

  2. Let us rise to the call of rap-loving blood that is in us and send our answer to the tyranny that clanks its chains from the South. In the name of the greatest form of music that has ever originated from this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny . . . and I say timberlands today, timberlands tomorrow, timberlands in the summer and timberlands forever

  4. haha, ingenious! i’m in it for that case of old E.. timboots & army gear baby!

  5. Short of the Primo voice mail and the “Rock The Bells” plaque, it is almost as if the CRC membership pack was taken straight out my bedroom closet.

    Where do I send my check?

  11. Can we get a replica Slick Rick dookie rope w/ Jesus piece? That’s the only missing piece and then I’m in.

  13. Throw in one of the clocks that Flavor Flav wore in the “Night of the Living Bassheads” video, one of EPMD’s fisherman hats, the pen Nas used to write his “words past the margin” and the actual Tom Scott record Pete Rock used to make “T.R.O.Y.” and I’m in, word is bond (yeah it’s almost 2010 and I STILL say word is bond. And what?!!!!!)

  14. I listened to my tape of Mega’s The True Meaning in a Sony Megabass Walkman on my walk to work this morning. Can I get a discount?

  15. i was gonna add a starter raiders jacket [parka style] needless to say i got taxed for mine in rochester when i was 16…

  17. Fuck yeah!!! Finally something useful to spend my savings on!!! I want, I want, I want!!!!

  19. I want a mini-me version of Sticky Fingaz complete with permanent screw face and I am in. I could buy a lot of St Ides 2 for $3 40s with that money…

  20. The CRC is gonna keep Hip-Hop alive. Not like that Kid Cudi song ‘Alive’ which only fruits listen to.

  21. haha I’d like a ‘How to box like Big Daddy Kane’ promo DVD. The work he puts on that speedball in the ‘Aint No Halfstepping’ video had the heavywieght division shook!

  22. Where do I sign in?
    A discount for a Pete Nice haircut for a white boy like me would be good as well.

  23. In posession of personally signed artifacts by RUN DMC, Masta Ace & Cypress Hill.

    Awaiting membership card ASAP.

  27. I’m in. Lemme pay you when the new
    Dr. Dre album finally appears.

  28. damn, i gotta champion hoodie on right now, oh and strawberry swishers and peach optimos please, oh and what about ugk, them cats (r.i.p. pimp c) can rap, and i love me some geto boys, forget the rest, otherwise, i’m not only a client i’m the crc president

  29. I always wanted to be able to say I’m conservative about something! I’m in.

    /tucks jeans into socks

  30. Perfect for aging east coast elitists!!
    just throw in a 91′ Acura Legend with 220000 miles with a radio that plays tapes of course lol

  32. setrule i gotta 90 coupe wit 140 on it….maybe i can make a donation…ha ha

  34. Seeing these comments almost brings a tear to my eyes. Hip-Hop really isn’t dead…

  37. @ Tony Bones. Memberships cards. Hit us up when they”re done. I want to rock one at work. Nothing like representing whilst waiting tables at a semi-posh hotel!!!!!!

  39. This is the funky freshest post of the year. And oh, of course I am down.

  41. ya’ll got some funny shit in this thread!
    Throw in a 3XDope Halfro wig
    -Big Daddy Kanes robe from Prince of Darkness cover
    -Assortment of 20th year Anniversary Le coq Sportif Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince gear
    -Willie Dee ringtones
    -an African medallion
    -blow up doll of Ice-T’s old lady Darlene

    *Replica Roxanne Shante door knockers available for the skeezers

    Jay Electronica is the future

  42. I hate to break it to ya’ll, but hip hop is dead. You can get however many new dudes trying to kick an old sound, or old dudes trying to keep the old sound on new records, but the music and culture will never work the way it once did. Its time to enjoy your old records for what they are or just get into some different music.

  44. I hate to break it to ya’ll, but hip hop is dead.
    ^ Awwww! Damn.. *starts sobbing uncontollably*

  45. lol@the sticky fingaz figure

    i already got a Primo shout on my phone when duke came down to spin.

    throw in a pair of Cella Dwellaz hockey jerseys
    OG copy of Ultimate Force – Im Not Playing LP
    BENZEETO plates for the ride.

    anotha summa

  46. Sign me up…You need to include Show & Ag’s first album, and a train pass…lol, This is why, even though im no DJ, I make my own damn mixtapes, with my kind (our kind) of music.

    Chek out my latest one here http://usershare.net/jhvce36n5yd6

    Its called Free(the)Dumb, DJ Shawamar..Let me know what y’all think.

  48. funny…but there is a danger with this sort of satire that the past becomes trivialised as a joke…or do I just not have a sense of humour

  49. As an addendum to the CRC Constitution, I propose a mandatory moratorium on both the 808 clap and snare and the pitched 808 snare rolls in all of rap music. Are we not men?

  50. I dig this site and listened to theses artists the first time round but man THIS MUSIC WAS PROGRESSIVE WHEN IT CAME OUT.

    Also… no love for Freestyle Fellowship/Project Blowed out of LA?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *