What Is The CRC?

We of the Conservative Rap Coalition may be the last wall of defense against the bandwagon-hopping Fashionista Rap takeover, as we continue to call-out these happy-go-lucky rap dullards with as much personality as a wet dishrag with a photo of J. Cole printed on it. We like our snares loud, scratch hooks on rap songs and rappers with bass in their voice (with the obvious exceptions of Milk D from Audio 2 and Ad Rock from Beastie Boys).

Just because you’re obsessed with rap music doesn’t mean you have to dress like you’re sixteen years old your entire life, unless of course you are still sixteen in which case you can whatever the hell you want to. CRC believes in Age Appropriate Outfit Architecture, which means that you can still consider Mobb Deep‘s Hell On Earth album to be a sonic masterpiece without wearing dungarees and avirex.

Yet the CRC should never be confused with some pathetic “stuck in the 90’s” types. New rap is as essential as never leaving the house without at least one item of collared clothing and accepting that wearing shorts past the knees in public past the age of 30 should be reserved for professional athletes. We embrace rap music that is non-progressive, anti-social and primarily revolves around bragging or threatening people.

Throw on your rugby top, sensible trousers and boat shoes, pour yourself a neat whiskey with a beer chaser and play the latest Willie The Kid, Sean Price or Roc Marciano release at maximum volume, comforted by the knowledge that the Conservative Rap Coalition is here to ensure that you don’t step outside looking like a hypebeast nor waste your time wading through the thousands of shitty rap songs released onto the internets every week. All you need is to look for the CRC stamp of approval to know that your ears are safe from fuckery.