As reported in the NY Daily News, Meth just got bagged with a bag (”He rolls down the window and the smoke would choke a horse”, apparently). This highlights several important points - the one-time star attraction of the WTC has fallen on such hard times that even guys like Carlton Fisk and Street Life have better things to do with their time than hold his trees, which leads me to believe that Johnny Blaze has been demoted to sack stasher status himself.

Clearly, John Blaze had picked-up an oz. of purple for someone who could actually afford it and still has a record deal (Raekwon would be my first guess) and decided to get high on Lex’s supply en route. The real tragedy here is the fact that not only has this one-time weed owner now failed as a weed carrier, but he was driving an effin’ 2005 Lincoln Navigator! Maybe if Rae had lent him the Range Sport things would have worked out better.

How many of you humps remember the Fab Five from the University of Michigan? They were going to be the best college team evar entil they ended up sucking in the NCAA tournament and then going pro as underclassmen. More than a decade after their splash on the sports scene not one of them has been to the championship of pro basketball.

Of all the talented players on that Michigan team the superstar was the 6′10 CHRIS WEBBER. He had a remarkable ability to dribble and pass the basketball which was usually found in smaller players and when he finished a play his dunks were ferocious and ground shaking. Unfortunately for CHRIS, his most memorable moment in college basketball was when he called a timeout during the Final Four and his team had none left. Absentmindedness is the hallmark of weed owners and as such they depend quite often that their carriers remain on point. JALEN ROSE wasn’t that day.

CHRIS was still an exceptional player and someone that you would chart high on the first round of the NBA draft. The question would be what team would select CHRIS and would they provide an atmosphere conducive to his love for holding the bud? CHRIS WEBBER was the #1 overall pick of the 1993 NBA draft and he was immediately traded by the Orlando Magic to the Golden State Warriors for ANFERNEE ‘Penny’ HARDAWAY. You see Orlando already had SHAQUILLE O’NEAL and they needed a weedcarrier for him. Since it was recognized that CHRIS WEBBER was a weed owner himself the Magic didn’t think they would fit on the same team together.
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If there was anything that I gleaned from the ego trip (white) Rapper Show is that MC Serch can still bring fame to a bag holder without getting their ass kicked by Hammer’s goons.

I mean, what do you think the future holds for Shamrock or John Brown? They will be rap music footnotes as soon as the second season begins to air. Anybody remember Nikki ‘Hoopz’ Alexander? Exactly. The best chance for one of these rappers to keep his names on people’s lips will be for them to carry a bag and keep smiling. Busta Rhymes could use a new chauffeur so that’s something to think about also.

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Now that everyone has had time to sit with a drink and think about who was the most embarrassing of all the old rappers to appear on Nas‘ various remixes, I’d be remiss if I didn’t announce the next version that’s due to hit the internets later this week - the Bag Holders mix!

The guests (in order of appearance):

Drag-On

After years of carrying trees and motorcycle helmets for the Ruff Ryders crew, plus whatever drug DMX was strung-out on in any given week, Drag-On now finds himself working at a Yonkers dry cleaners and greatly appreciated the $20 Nas paid him for his verse.
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I’m not sure if this is the greatest thing to ever happen to the weed carrier movement (after this, of course), or it’s death knell?

Saturday Night Live “Weekend Update Clip” (go to the “Weekend Update…Really?” clip at the bottom). Hopefully this means that I can secure Ron Burgandy to host the Second Annual Weed Carrier Awards.

Thanks to Fitz (the Kool Herc of this whole shit) for spotting this.

2006 may come to be remembered by Hip-Hop fans as the year that the internets gave a voice to the movement. Terms like ’stan’ and ‘ether’ became active jargon within the Hip-Hop lexicon. To add to the list of additional and relevant terms was that of the ‘weed carrier’. Prior to 2006, W.C.’s were recognized only in select circles of online Hip-Hop journalism. The 2006 First Annual Weed Carrier Awards was a watershed moment for all music industry bag handlers. This is why it comes as bittersweet news that when W.C.’s finally receive some recognition it is partly because of the diminishing of their ranks. Violently.

One might suppose that the job description might contain some inherent pitfalls since cannabis possession is illegal in most cases throughout the world, but in 2006 we find that weed carriers have skipped pass the go to jail part of their resume and gone directly to the grave. These weren’t just any independent music label rapper’s weed carriers but some of the top W.C.’s in the W.C. game. These were the W.C.’s to the stars and so their passing left marked voids in their respected Weed Owners’ entourages. Let’s recap some of the big W.C. losses:
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It’s one thing to be the a well-known weed holder such as Spliff Star of Memphis Bleek - having people chuckle at the fact that you’ll never really be able to attain weed owner status or ever become a star in your own right - but at least these guys are known. Spare a thought for the bag holders of artists who aren’t getting their videos in heavy rotation - can anybody name all the members of Inspectah Deck’s House Gang? Or Raekwon’s Ice Water Inc? Even hardcore Wu-Tang Stans are scratching their heads.

As a responsible Weed Owner, it’s essential that you look after your holders. Do you see Ghostface getting charged with drug possession? Fuck no! Tony Starks looks after his weed carriers - it’s as simple as that. Not only did he name his squad on the back of the Theodore Unit 718 LP - he gave everyone their own baseball card! Thanks to the bosses’ generousity, guys like Solomon Childs can now get laid for less than a grand, and Shawn Wiggs hasn’t been jumped for his Theodore Unit letterman jacket in months. Meanwhile, Deck’s weed baggers are still getting refused entry into the V.I.P. section while Cappadonna is popping bottles with models!

The only solution for these unknown baggage handlers is to either hire a PR firm to get their name out there or join Theodore Unit.

More Weed Carriers slacking-off:

LAFAYETTE, Louisiana (AP) — Willie Nelson and four others were issued misdemeanor citations for possession of narcotic mushrooms and marijuana after a traffic stop Monday morning on a Louisiana highway, state police said.

The citations were issued after a commercial vehicle inspection of the country music star’s tour bus, state police said in a news release.

“When the door was opened and the trooper began to speak to the driver, he smelled the strong odor of marijuana,” the news release said.

A search of the bus produced 11/2 pounds of marijuana and 0.2 pounds of narcotic mushrooms, according to state police.

A call to Nelson’s publicist wasn’t immediately returned.

Also cited were Tony Sizemore, 59, of St. Cloud, Florida; Bobbie Nelson, 75, of Briarcliff, Texas; Gates Moore, 54, of Austin, Texas; and David Anderson, 50, of Dallas, Texas.

Each was released after being issued a citation.

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I’m guessing there might be a job opening in a minute:

MTV sez: Rapper Lil Wayne was arrested Monday in Atlanta on charges of possession of less than 1 ounce of marijuana and possession of a controlled substance, according to a copy of his arrest report obtained by MTV.

The 23-year-old MC (real name:Dwayne Michael Carter) was released from Georgia’s Fulton County Jail on $11,000 bond following his arrest. Police claim the rapper was in possession of several unlabeled bottles — one containing 60 pills of Alprazolama, a generic form of Xanax that is used to treat anxiety disorders and panic attacks; another containing 59 hydrocodone pills — along with “two small burnt joints of marijuana,” the report read.

According to Carter’s arrest report, the rapper was staying at the Twelve Hotel in Atlanta’s Atlantic Station when a hotel employee entered Carter’s room to inspect a problem with the room’s security systems. The employee said he noticed a gallon-size bag of what he believed to be marijuana; he also told police he smelled a “heavy odor of marijuana.” The hotel’s manager was summoned to the room and also claimed he smelled marijuana. Carter told both men to vacate his room, shut the door and fastened the security latch. Police were called shortly thereafter.

Officers entered Carter’s room and began to search it; the arrest report said the rapper gave his consent for them to enter. Inside a small duffel bag, police found the prescription pills. The marijuana joints were uncovered in the room’s garbage can, and a small amount of marijuana was discovered in the room’s refrigerator. According to the report, a gallon-size bag of marijuana was not recovered.

A second man, Derrick Lawrence, 37, was also charged with possession of less than 1 ounce of marijuana. The arrest report claims Lawrence was in Carter’s room at the time, but his relationship to the rapper is unclear. The report also lists both men as being under the influence of drugs at the time of the arrests.

A few things worth noting here:

1. 37 is kinda old to be carrying weed, especially when your weed owner is in his twenties.

2. The fact that Derrick managed to dispose of the “gallon-size” bag of boom is a postive, although the fact that he over-looked the roach’s in the trash and the weed in the fridge reveals how sloppy he was.

3. Don’t get high on your Weed Owners supply!

4. The primary role of a good weed holder is to take the fall for your boss, not to get arested with him!

UPDATE! I just noticed this at UPI:

Lil’ Wayne was scheduled to begin a tour with Dem Franchize Boyz on Thursday in Cincinnati.

There seems to be a connection.

Not only is New York falling behind in terms of sales, but those Southern folks are streets ahead in the arrest stakes as well.

Nobodys Smiling reported this a few months back:

Atlanta police say they found drugs, cash, weapons and pornography during a recording studio raid on Tuesday, where an unnamed member of Dem Franchise Boyz was arrested.

Eight people were taken in custody when police raided Making Money studios in Atlanta – including an unnamed member of rap group Dem Franchize Boys, and 28-year old Anthony Blalock, CEO of Making Big Moves Records.

Police say they confiscated over 11 pounds of marijuana, $150,000 in cash, two handguns, and a stack of pornography.

The bust happened after police received a tip that drugs were being sold at the facility, and thanks to surveillance cameras they were able to see suspects trying to get rid of substantial evidence.

“They were in the bathroom and they were trying to flush a lot of the drugs down the toilet,” Atlanta Police Officer Richard Light said. “They just had too much and couldn’t flush it all down.”

Two minor children who were at the studio during the raid were also taken into custody, but were later released to their mother.

Dem Franchize Boyz are known best for their catchy snap-heavy songs “Lean With It, Rock With It,” “I Think They Like Me,” and “White Tee.

So I assume the “two minor children” were in charge of the smut? It sounds like their weed holders forget the second golden rule of holding: “Don’t Shit Where You Eat”.